Published April 21, 2026 by Atria/Emily Bestler Books/12:01 Books
Published October 6, 2026 by Dutton T he Greers built their fortune on alligator bones. Dartrine Beaumont believes her mother’s sudden death...
Review || The House Built on Alligator Bones by Sophia Huneycutt
Published October 6, 2026 by Dutton
The premise of this one had me completely sold. Florida Gothic? A crumbling mansion? An alligator farming empire haunted by a vengeful spirit? The bones (ha!) of something genuinely great are here, and I really wanted this book to deliver. It didn't quite get there for me, and I've been chewing on why.
The MC: Let's start with Dart. I wanted to root for her: she's grieving, she's an outsider, she's walking into a family that doesn't want her there. But her desperation to fit in with the Greers drove me absolutely crazy! These people are hostile to her from page one, and she just keeps trying to ingratiate herself with them anyway. I get that she is starved for family and connection, I do, but at some point it tips over from sympathy into frustration, and I lost patience with her faster than I expected to.
The Horror: The central threat, Ironheart, the alligator spirit haunting the family, sounds like a wild, creepy concept. And there are flashes of atmosphere where the swamp and the mansion genuinely drip with unease. But the tension never really builds into anything. Every time the story starts to feel genuinely unsettling, it pulls back. The family curse storyline resolves in a way that felt tidy rather than terrifying, and I finished the book feeling like I'd been promised something that never fully arrived.
The Setting: The muggy ambiance is doing heavy lifting here, and it does it well! Huneycutt clearly loves Florida's particular brand of gorgeous, rotting strangeness, and Amelia Island is rendered with care and detail.
Published October 20, 2026, by St. Martin's Press F rom the bestselling author of The Death of Jane Lawrence comes a new, genre-bending ...
Review || Milkteeth by Caitlin Starling
Published October 20, 2026, by St. Martin's Press
Motherhood in horror seems to be all the rage these days, but Milkteeth takes it in a brand new direction. Who knew vampires need mommy too?
Most vampire stories are focused on the change to vampire. Someone gets bitten by a vampire, dies, wakes up again, and bam, new vampire. Milkteeth takes it in a different direction and questions what happens in between life and undeath and life again. What steps have to be taken for a newly turned vampire to become a productive member of vampire society? What does feeding look like as a hungry newly undead? How does a fledgling learn to control its hunger so the world isn't littered with dead bodies?
As a broodmother, Beatrice does all that and more for newly turned vampires or "fledglings". However, while she's trying to keep her fledglings fed, teach them to control their hunger, and generally trying to keep them from becoming a menace, strange things start happening to her too. The changes become more and more concerning, and her hunger is getting worse, her body is changing, and none of it makes sense. Beatrice turns to a mortal doctor for help, which brings a whole other set of problems.
Instead of treating the fledgling as a finished vampire the second they rise from the transformation, Starling gives us the messy, prolonged, very physical process of becoming one. It made me look at her vampires as an entirely different creature instead of just a human with fangs. The broodmother angle brought something new and different, of course, but I think what I liked most about Milkteeth is that it made vampires feel weird again. Not sexy and brooding. Not tragic and moody. Just weird and very unhuman. I guess what I'm saying is that mothering made vampires less human instead of more. See? Weird.
Looking for more scary reads? Browse all of my horror book reviews.
Published September 2, 2026 Ebon Hollow has always kept its secrets close. When Jeni Michaelson returns to the rituals her family taught her...
Feature Fiction || Tide of Ebon Hollow by David Baldus
Published September 2, 2026
Published August 16, 2026 What happens when a story refuses to end with the final page? When a series of mysterious deaths draws Chicago d...
Feature Fiction || The Bookmark by Eugene A. Stripe
Published August 16, 2026
I Am The Monster Under Your Bed by Emily Zinnikas Published September 15th 2026 by St. Martins Press S omething lives under Willa’s bed. As...
Review || I Am The Monster Under Your Bed by Emily Zinnikas
Published September 15th 2026 by St. Martins Press

June is bringing us zombies, vampires, serial killers, sinister fairy tales, and weird westerns to keep the TBR pile growing at an irrespons...
This Month in Horror || The Best New Horror Books Coming June 2026
June is bringing us zombies, vampires, serial killers, sinister fairy tales, and weird westerns to keep the TBR pile growing at an irresponsible rate.
Whether you're looking for something bloody and brutal, something really strange, or a book that makes you wonder why you ever thought the woods were a good place to visit, June has you covered.
Here are some of the best new horror books coming your way this month.
June is bringing us zombies, vampires, serial killers, sinister fairy tales, and weird westerns to keep the TBR pile growing at an irresponsible rate.
Whether you're looking for something bloody and brutal, something really strange, or a book that makes you wonder why you ever thought the woods were a good place to visit, June has you covered.
Here are some of the best new horror books coming your way this month.
June 1
Grief Eater by Emma Osborne
When Kristina rises from her violent death, she's no longer the woman her family abandoned. She's angry, powerful, and very, very hungry. Her undead road trip takes her across Australia's scorched landscape as she searches for vengeance, answers, and perhaps a little closure.
A gory, queer zombie novella about grief, rage, found family, and what happens when the dead decide they're not finished yet.
A gory, queer zombie novella about grief, rage, found family, and what happens when the dead decide they're not finished yet.
Try Not to Die: In Slattery Falls by Brennan LaFaro
Welcome to Slattery Falls, home to a haunted house that has been watching, waiting, and feeding for years.
This interactive horror adventure puts you in the driver's seat. Every decision matters, and most of those decisions will probably get you horribly murdered.
There are more than a dozen ways to die, but only one path to survival.
Welcome to Slattery Falls, home to a haunted house that has been watching, waiting, and feeding for years.
This interactive horror adventure puts you in the driver's seat. Every decision matters, and most of those decisions will probably get you horribly murdered.
There are more than a dozen ways to die, but only one path to survival.
June 2
Backstabbers by Eliza Jabore
When three best friends get lost in the woods, they discover that surviving the wilderness might be easier than surviving each other. Backstabbers puts friendship under the world's most stressful pressure cooker: a slasher movie.
Expect blood, bad decisions, shifting loyalties, and the uncomfortable realization that your best friend knows exactly where to stick the knife.
When three best friends get lost in the woods, they discover that surviving the wilderness might be easier than surviving each other. Backstabbers puts friendship under the world's most stressful pressure cooker: a slasher movie.
Expect blood, bad decisions, shifting loyalties, and the uncomfortable realization that your best friend knows exactly where to stick the knife.
June 9
The Sourdough Compendium: Dark and Dangerous Fairy Tales by A.G. Slatter
If you've read A.G. Slatter before, you already know her fairy tales aren't exactly the sort you'd want to read to children at bedtime.
This collection gathers stories from the dark gothic world of The Sourdough universe, featuring witches, assassins, pirates, monsters, and all manner of terrible people.
Basically, it's fairy tales for people who prefer their happily-ever-afters with considerably more bloodshed, like all the good fairy tales do.
It Came From Neverland by Cynthia Pelayo
If you've read A.G. Slatter before, you already know her fairy tales aren't exactly the sort you'd want to read to children at bedtime.
This collection gathers stories from the dark gothic world of The Sourdough universe, featuring witches, assassins, pirates, monsters, and all manner of terrible people.
Basically, it's fairy tales for people who prefer their happily-ever-afters with considerably more bloodshed, like all the good fairy tales do.
Set during World War I, Wendy Darling is now an adult working as a teacher and helping soldiers returning from the Western Front. But when children begin disappearing again, Wendy starts to suspect that the nightmare she thought she'd escaped as a child has returned.
Peter Pan meets It in this dark, bloody reimagining of Neverland.
June 16
Peter Pan meets It in this dark, bloody reimagining of Neverland.
June 16
Women of the Weird West edited by KC Grifant
Women of the Weird West brings together stories from women and marginalized-gender authors, taking the classic Western and giving it a supernatural makeover. Expect ghosts, monsters, fae, magic, strange worlds, and plenty of women who aren't interested in playing the damsel-in-distress.
Women of the Weird West brings together stories from women and marginalized-gender authors, taking the classic Western and giving it a supernatural makeover. Expect ghosts, monsters, fae, magic, strange worlds, and plenty of women who aren't interested in playing the damsel-in-distress.
June 19
Teeth by Dana Isaly
Poe has moved into her mother's old house in the Appalachian mountains, hoping to sort through her belongings and finally move forward.
Instead, she finds strange journal entries, disturbing photographs, warnings, and the growing feeling that something in the woods is watching her.
And apparently the number one rule of this particular nightmare is: if you hear something, no you don't.
Instead, she finds strange journal entries, disturbing photographs, warnings, and the growing feeling that something in the woods is watching her.
And apparently the number one rule of this particular nightmare is: if you hear something, no you don't.
June 23
Tillinghast by Clare Cavenagh
Stutley Tillinghast is a quiet minister living in rural Rhode Island.
He's also been killing people and burying them in his cellar for decades.
When a desperately ill nineteen-year-old woman arrives claiming to be related to him, Stutley discovers that she has symptoms eerily similar to his own. Suddenly his carefully isolated existence gets considerably more complicated.
A slow-burning literary vampire story with gothic atmosphere, family secrets, and one very reluctant monster.
He's also been killing people and burying them in his cellar for decades.
When a desperately ill nineteen-year-old woman arrives claiming to be related to him, Stutley discovers that she has symptoms eerily similar to his own. Suddenly his carefully isolated existence gets considerably more complicated.
A slow-burning literary vampire story with gothic atmosphere, family secrets, and one very reluctant monster.
The Infested by Renée Lake
The American frontier wasn't won. It was surrendered to the monsters.
In 1900, a cursed stretch of the American frontier is crawling with ghosts, monsters, and ancient things that should have stayed buried. Desdemona's family has survived there for generations behind magical wards.
But after her mother's death, her father's disappearance, and the arrival of a mysterious shadow creature, their safe little sanctuary starts looking considerably less safe.
The American frontier wasn't won. It was surrendered to the monsters.
In 1900, a cursed stretch of the American frontier is crawling with ghosts, monsters, and ancient things that should have stayed buried. Desdemona's family has survived there for generations behind magical wards.
But after her mother's death, her father's disappearance, and the arrival of a mysterious shadow creature, their safe little sanctuary starts looking considerably less safe.
Brave New Weird: The Best New Weird Horror, Volume Four edited by Alex Woodroe
The fourth volume of Brave New Weird brings together twenty-three stories showcasing some of the strangest, most inventive horror around. Expect speculative horror, genre mashups, grotesque ideas, experimental storytelling, and plenty of things that don't fit neatly into a little genre box.
June 26
June 26
Crater Girl by Polly Schattel
Polly Schattel returns with Crater Girl, a genre-bending novel mixing dark fantasy, noir, and horror with a distinctly Southern flavor.
It's a strange, satirical look at the modern South, and Schattel describes it as a "genre-inclusive" novel.
June 28
Polly Schattel returns with Crater Girl, a genre-bending novel mixing dark fantasy, noir, and horror with a distinctly Southern flavor.
It's a strange, satirical look at the modern South, and Schattel describes it as a "genre-inclusive" novel.
June 28
The Echo of Monsters by David H. Rankin
The Echo of Monsters promises another dive into the darker corners of horror, making it one to keep an eye on if your preferred reading material involves things that probably shouldn't exist and definitely shouldn't be making noises in the dark.
June 30
June 30
Dead but Dreaming of Electric Sheep by Paul Tremblay
Julia Flang is a former professional gamer who gets hired by a massive tech company to escort a man in a vegetative state across the country. The catch? There's an artificial intelligence implanted in his head.
A near-future technological horror story that gets increasingly more uncomfortable the more you think about it.
Julia Flang is a former professional gamer who gets hired by a massive tech company to escort a man in a vegetative state across the country. The catch? There's an artificial intelligence implanted in his head.
A near-future technological horror story that gets increasingly more uncomfortable the more you think about it.
The Summer of the Serpent by Cecilia Eudave
We've got angry zombies, murderous friends, evil fairy tales, haunted frontiers, vampires pretending not to be vampires, AI nightmares, and enough monsters to populate several small towns.
There's something weird here for everyone.
Happy Reading.
We've got angry zombies, murderous friends, evil fairy tales, haunted frontiers, vampires pretending not to be vampires, AI nightmares, and enough monsters to populate several small towns.
There's something weird here for everyone.
Happy Reading.
May is bringing us a respectable amount of bad news in book form. We've got haunted places, human experimentation, sinister spirits, str...
This Month in Horror: The Best New Horror Books Coming in May 2026
May is bringing us a respectable amount of bad news in book form.
We've got haunted places, human experimentation, sinister spirits, strange festivals, monstrous transformations, twisted fairy tales, gothic nightmares, and enough questionable life choices performed by unreliable narrators to keep the horror shelves fully stocked.
Here are some of the horror books I'm most excited about coming out this month.
If you want to see everything coming in 2026, check out my This Year in Horror 2026 release calendar.
May is bringing us a respectable amount of bad news in book form.
We've got haunted places, human experimentation, sinister spirits, strange festivals, monstrous transformations, twisted fairy tales, gothic nightmares, and enough questionable life choices performed by unreliable narrators to keep the horror shelves fully stocked.
Here are some of the horror books I'm most excited about coming out this month.
If you want to see everything coming in 2026, check out my This Year in Horror 2026 release calendar.
May 5
She Waits Where Shadows Gather by Michelle Tang
Some places feel wrong before you can explain why. She Waits Where Shadows Gather promises the kind of unsettling horror where the shadows themselves may be the least of your problems.
If atmospheric, creeping dread is your thing, this one belongs on the May TBR.
Some places feel wrong before you can explain why. She Waits Where Shadows Gather promises the kind of unsettling horror where the shadows themselves may be the least of your problems.
If atmospheric, creeping dread is your thing, this one belongs on the May TBR.
I Know A Place: Rest Stop and Other Dark Detours by Nat Cassidy
Nat Cassidy is taking us on a road trip and he's not stopping by the World's Biggest Ball of Twine.
This collection brings together Rest Stop and a dozen other dark detours, sending readers through suspicious rest stops, creepy offices, haunted kitchens, bizarre apartments, and other places where you shouldn't be alone after dark.
Nat Cassidy is taking us on a road trip and he's not stopping by the World's Biggest Ball of Twine.
This collection brings together Rest Stop and a dozen other dark detours, sending readers through suspicious rest stops, creepy offices, haunted kitchens, bizarre apartments, and other places where you shouldn't be alone after dark.
Accumulation by Aimee Pokwatka
Tennessee Cherish thought moving into her dream house would be a fresh start. Cute house, new town, happy family.
The kids start acting weird. Her husband is never home. And the house has a few quirks, including a faucet that runs on its own, a creepy doll that keeps appearing in different rooms, and, a human tooth in the floorboards.
Then things get really weird. The family starts repeating everyday actions over and over, with each loop becoming more dangerous than the last.
Tenn needs to figure out what the hell is happening in her new home before the house finishes what it started.
Tennessee Cherish thought moving into her dream house would be a fresh start. Cute house, new town, happy family.
The kids start acting weird. Her husband is never home. And the house has a few quirks, including a faucet that runs on its own, a creepy doll that keeps appearing in different rooms, and, a human tooth in the floorboards.
Then things get really weird. The family starts repeating everyday actions over and over, with each loop becoming more dangerous than the last.
Tenn needs to figure out what the hell is happening in her new home before the house finishes what it started.
May 8
The Blood Year Daughter by G.G. Silverman
The Blood Year Daughter is a collection of fairytale horror stories filled with murderous brides, strange transformations, ghosts, witches, snakes, revenge, and women who are absolutely done playing by the rules.
Silverman's debut collection mixes horror, magical realism, and twisted fairy tales into something that sounds like it crawled out of a very dark corner of the Brothers Grimm.
The Blood Year Daughter is a collection of fairytale horror stories filled with murderous brides, strange transformations, ghosts, witches, snakes, revenge, and women who are absolutely done playing by the rules.
Silverman's debut collection mixes horror, magical realism, and twisted fairy tales into something that sounds like it crawled out of a very dark corner of the Brothers Grimm.
May 12
Muntu by Eugen Bacon
Eugen Bacon brings her particular brand of unsettling speculative fiction to Muntu, a book that promises to be strange, atmospheric, and decidedly not interested in making you comfortable.
This is one for readers who like their horror with a literary edge and plenty of things lurking beneath the surface.
Eugen Bacon brings her particular brand of unsettling speculative fiction to Muntu, a book that promises to be strange, atmospheric, and decidedly not interested in making you comfortable.
This is one for readers who like their horror with a literary edge and plenty of things lurking beneath the surface.
Abyss by Nicholas Binge
Joe always had potential. He just doesn't expect much from himself, so when he lands a low-key admin assistant job at a company he's never heard of, he's hoping it won't expect much from him either.
Then he walks into the offices of Ponos.
Turns out, potential is exactly what they're looking for.
Joe always had potential. He just doesn't expect much from himself, so when he lands a low-key admin assistant job at a company he's never heard of, he's hoping it won't expect much from him either.
Then he walks into the offices of Ponos.
Turns out, potential is exactly what they're looking for.
Electric Shamans at the Festival of the Sun by Mónica Ojeda
Two friends head into the Andes for an eight-day music festival at the foot of a volcano. There's mysticism, underground music, altered states, an ancient landscape, and a girl who starts speaking in a voice that isn't her own.
Electric Shamans at the Festival of the Sun blends psychological horror, supernatural elements, psychedelic imagery, and Indigenous Andean traditions into something wonderfully strange.
Two friends head into the Andes for an eight-day music festival at the foot of a volcano. There's mysticism, underground music, altered states, an ancient landscape, and a girl who starts speaking in a voice that isn't her own.
Electric Shamans at the Festival of the Sun blends psychological horror, supernatural elements, psychedelic imagery, and Indigenous Andean traditions into something wonderfully strange.
Make Me Better by Sarah Gailey
Celia is lonely, grieving, and desperate to belong, so she heads to the mysterious Kindred Cove for its annual Salt Festival. The community promises healing, transformation, and a life without grief.
Sarah Gailey's latest sounds like the perfect combination of creepy island community, questionable self-improvement, and the horrifying realization that maybe becoming a better version of yourself has a price.
Celia is lonely, grieving, and desperate to belong, so she heads to the mysterious Kindred Cove for its annual Salt Festival. The community promises healing, transformation, and a life without grief.
Sarah Gailey's latest sounds like the perfect combination of creepy island community, questionable self-improvement, and the horrifying realization that maybe becoming a better version of yourself has a price.
Femme Feral by Sam Beckbessinger
Is it menopause or lycanthropy?
Femme Feral promises a wild, vicious take on womanhood, transformation, and the things lurking just beneath the surface.
Is it menopause or lycanthropy?
Femme Feral promises a wild, vicious take on womanhood, transformation, and the things lurking just beneath the surface.
May 19
The Dorians by Nick Cutter
Five people are invited to a remote island in the Canadian wilderness with an offer that sounds almost too good to be true: stop aging. Maybe even reverse it.
The secret to restoring their youth comes from an ancient biological agent with one very simple goal: survive.
What could possibly go wrong?
I hope their aren't any turtles. IYKYK.
Five people are invited to a remote island in the Canadian wilderness with an offer that sounds almost too good to be true: stop aging. Maybe even reverse it.
The secret to restoring their youth comes from an ancient biological agent with one very simple goal: survive.
What could possibly go wrong?
I hope their aren't any turtles. IYKYK.
Decomposition Book by Sara van Os
Savannah retreats to her parents' empty lake house after a disastrous falling-out with her best friend. She's drinking, overthinking, and generally spiraling when she wakes up in the woods beside a dead body. Turns out she's the best friend Savannah could ask for.
Savannah retreats to her parents' empty lake house after a disastrous falling-out with her best friend. She's drinking, overthinking, and generally spiraling when she wakes up in the woods beside a dead body. Turns out she's the best friend Savannah could ask for.
The Temptation of Charlotte North by Camilla Bruce
In 1910, Charlotte North lives on a remote island where an ancient tower has been standing guard over something that really should have stayed imprisoned.
Then the tower collapses.
The Temptation of Charlotte North combines gothic horror, dark fantasy, an isolated island, a sinister spirit, and a woman discovering just how dangerous getting what you want can be.
In 1910, Charlotte North lives on a remote island where an ancient tower has been standing guard over something that really should have stayed imprisoned.
Then the tower collapses.
The Temptation of Charlotte North combines gothic horror, dark fantasy, an isolated island, a sinister spirit, and a woman discovering just how dangerous getting what you want can be.
Salomé by Leslie Baird
A dark, strange take on an old story? Yes, please.
Salomé puts a familiar figure into a horror setting and promises to give this particular tale some teeth.
A dark, strange take on an old story? Yes, please.
Salomé puts a familiar figure into a horror setting and promises to give this particular tale some teeth.
Filth Eaters by Ito Romo
In 1849, vampire Radamés discovers that New World vampires get to live a little more like humans. They marry. They have children. They actually get to build lives. Naturally, he wants that for himself.
His search takes him to Mexico, where he falls for a member of the ancient Filth Eaters and fathers a new kind of vampire. From there, the story jumps across centuries, mixing vampires with empire, greed, climate change, and the very human need to find someone to love.
May 26
In 1849, vampire Radamés discovers that New World vampires get to live a little more like humans. They marry. They have children. They actually get to build lives. Naturally, he wants that for himself.
His search takes him to Mexico, where he falls for a member of the ancient Filth Eaters and fathers a new kind of vampire. From there, the story jumps across centuries, mixing vampires with empire, greed, climate change, and the very human need to find someone to love.
May 26
House of Margins by Tlotlo Tsamaase
Anaya Sebeya is a brilliant young writer who disappears after attending a prestigious writing residency at Günter Huis, an eerie colonial mansion on Devil’s Peak.
Years later, her sister Ranewa becomes obsessed with a true-crime podcast claiming to reveal what happened to Anaya. As she listens, she starts piecing together a much stranger and more horrifying story.
Because at Günter Huis, Anaya wasn't just struggling to write. The house was getting inside her head, twisting time and reality and demanding a story that apparently wasn't meant to be told.
Anaya Sebeya is a brilliant young writer who disappears after attending a prestigious writing residency at Günter Huis, an eerie colonial mansion on Devil’s Peak.
Years later, her sister Ranewa becomes obsessed with a true-crime podcast claiming to reveal what happened to Anaya. As she listens, she starts piecing together a much stranger and more horrifying story.
Because at Günter Huis, Anaya wasn't just struggling to write. The house was getting inside her head, twisting time and reality and demanding a story that apparently wasn't meant to be told.
Bone of My Bone by Johanna van Veen
It’s 1635, the Thirty Years’ War is tearing through Bavaria, and Ursula, a runaway nun, and Elsebeth, a peasant, are hiding from marauding soldiers in the forest.
Then they find a gilded saint’s skull.
Legend says that reunite the skull with the saint’s body and you get a wish. Unfortunately, they're not the only ones interested in the relic. A necromancer wants it, the saint starts whispering at night, and the magic comes with a price.
It’s 1635, the Thirty Years’ War is tearing through Bavaria, and Ursula, a runaway nun, and Elsebeth, a peasant, are hiding from marauding soldiers in the forest.
Then they find a gilded saint’s skull.
Legend says that reunite the skull with the saint’s body and you get a wish. Unfortunately, they're not the only ones interested in the relic. A necromancer wants it, the saint starts whispering at night, and the magic comes with a price.
Teddy Bears Never Die by Cho Yeeun
A deadly cyanide poisoning kills Hwa-young's mother, but Hwa-young doesn't believe it was an accident. Determined to find the person responsible, she takes whatever work she can get to save enough money to hire a hitman.
Hwa-young is about to become the next victim when a grubby teddy bear starts talking to her.
Now the two team up to uncover the truth, take revenge, and bring the real killer to justice.
A deadly cyanide poisoning kills Hwa-young's mother, but Hwa-young doesn't believe it was an accident. Determined to find the person responsible, she takes whatever work she can get to save enough money to hire a hitman.
Hwa-young is about to become the next victim when a grubby teddy bear starts talking to her.
Now the two team up to uncover the truth, take revenge, and bring the real killer to justice.
Between Nat Cassidy's dark detours, Sarah Gailey's creepy island, Mónica Ojeda's psychedelic festival nightmare, gothic spirits, twisted fairy tales, human experimentation, and several books that appear to have taken the concept of "gross" as a personal challenge, there's plenty here to keep horror readers busy.
Which is great news for us but not so great for our TBR pile.
Happy reading and may your books be creepy, your coffee be strong, and your house remain suspiciously tooth-free.
Between Nat Cassidy's dark detours, Sarah Gailey's creepy island, Mónica Ojeda's psychedelic festival nightmare, gothic spirits, twisted fairy tales, human experimentation, and several books that appear to have taken the concept of "gross" as a personal challenge, there's plenty here to keep horror readers busy.
Which is great news for us but not so great for our TBR pile.
Happy reading and may your books be creepy, your coffee be strong, and your house remain suspiciously tooth-free.













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